If you missed the first ten terrible Valentines, you can find them here. My mom asked for more. Today is her birthday and tomorrow is Valentine's Day, so I thought I better do as she asked.
I hope your Valentines are friendlier!
Follow me on Twitter @TinyApplePress and like the Facebook page for updates!
If you have enjoyed the work that I do, please support my Victorian Dictionary Project!
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| "A POETICAL POSEUR Behold this pale little poet, With finger at forehead to show it; But the way he gets scads Is by writing soap ads, But he wants nobody to know it! |
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| "SUGAR DADDY You're old and gray, you're bent and lame Yet on each arm you boast a dame You think the gals are sweet on you It's just your SUGAR, sad but true!" |
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| "TO MY VALENTINE A CHRONIC FAULT FINDER Of growling your household hears more than its share. For your manners are modelled on those of a bear. Of this sort of thing you should know people tire Do give them a rest, now and then from your ire." |
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| 'To my Valentine 'Tis a lemon that I hand you And bid you now "skidoo," Because I love another - There is no chance for you!' |
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| "HEART-AGONY IS A FREQUENT AFFLICTION WITH YOU. Into your soft and susceptible heart, Cupid, shy Cupid sends many a dart! Some arrow-proof armour you ought to prepare; Then the pangs of these wounds you'd not have to endure." |
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| "Sure such monstrosities as these appear Can never last the fashion for a year Such vast dimensions! such a breadth of skirt! 'Tis all one's work to keep it from the dirt And scarlet petticoats are all the rage With dress suspended by a lady's page. While hoops and bones and such like things Keep up the fabric working upon springs." |
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| "BALD-HEAD. Your bright shining pate is seen at all shows And invariably down the bald-headed rows. Where you make conspicuous by your ardent care Your true ardent love for that one lonesome hair. |
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| "Beware of the Snake in the Grass." |
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| "MISS NOSEY. On account of your talk of others' affairs At most dances you sit warming the chairs. Because of the care with which you attend To all others' business you haven't a friend." |
And, of course, there's one for the postal worker who delivers these cards!
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| "Did you ever lose a letter in the post? I'll take this lot home tonight and deliver them by the morning's post TO A WOODEN-POST MAN Hurry up! Hurry up! with that Post Card. Your pay is not quite princely. your work is somewhat hard. To wed a penny postman is not my fate, For that you'll find I'm posted much too late." |
I hope your Valentines are friendlier!
Follow me on Twitter @TinyApplePress and like the Facebook page for updates!
If you have enjoyed the work that I do, please support my Victorian Dictionary Project!